Cut Me Open And Let The ROMANCE Bleed Away

NEW LJ

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 14:36:58 GMT

so i really just forgot to tell you guys my new LJ name, [loser]

this is my NEW and improved LJ name..

pure_imaginatin

friends only! so do this now!

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 02:05:06 GMT

i just rearranged my room! so now it doesnt look half as small! its actually looks realllly good. spacey, and now i have room to dance!

i made a NEW lj that im going to actually use. and its gunna be Friends Only.. so add me now! or, COMMENT TO BE ADDED! lol.. i love bein lame..

so i cant wait till tomorrow!! its gunna be fun.. but i dont know how my keesha love and her boy toy are getting here yet, depends on her fasha.. but no idea how thats gunna work..

im in need of a friends only banner.. help me! and while we're at it.. i dont know any of the LJ codes, like the big font, little font, colors, italics, bold, all that jazz.. so comment.. man.. comment..

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:18:21 GMT

HAPPY 4/20!! TO ALL YOU STONER FRIENDS OF MINE OUT THERE!

yay for pot heads...

no REAL reason to party on.. no one in maine has any pot anyways..

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 22:16:21 GMT

im in a really bad mood and i dont know why.. im just whicked irritated.. Cavan will jsut walk inot my room and touch my stuff, and go thru my clothes and touch my underwear and it pisses me off. and he wont listen to me and im jsut really aggravated as it is.

on a happier note: Me Kerry Keesha and Krysian are all gunna hang otu here at my house on thrusday! and im happy becasue i get to hang with favorite people, all in one day! yay!

again, cavan irritates me. he just came down in my room and DEMANDED that i paint his finger nails and toe nails, RIGHT NOW... and i dont feel good i have a headache and im pissed off!!!

i think i need to go to bed.. im so fucking tired~

I WANNA BE THE MINORITY!

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 23:32:46 GMT

I HAVE NO PLANS FOR VACATION! so leave one and we'll just HAVE to hang out.

i miss school, already and its only monday.. and i miss matt.. lol.. Steve told me that we look 'wierd' together.. lol.. only becasue imm all FWACHA, punkie/rocker, and hes all CHWACHA, prepie football player.. and i think hes just jealous.. :D.. but i dont care!! hes amazing, and really quite like him..

hmm, so lately, ive been atempting to work on my tan.. and its not working.. :(.. but its ok. i like to be white! and thats that! so no trying to change my mind.. because i like it.

well man, im thinking that i need a new layout.. but i dont know how to make my own.. any help, leme know.. RIGHT AWAY! so i can use my new LJ, browneyebutiful.. so hit me up you guys!

i hung up some of my posters but im thinking i want new ones.. maybe thats what i can accomplish this week.. that and i need batteries.. and i wana get a disposable, for my friends, and then i can FINALY
finish my scrapbook.

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 22:34:23 GMT

i got a new phone and its has speeker phone!! and right now, im talking to kerry! on speaker phone!

so today i went to the circus, and it was really scary... all the clowns were like scary.. and the eeyore waved at me and i flipped him off, and donna got mad at me.

me and cailyn went tanning in our backyard.. and i was out there in my bikini top and capri's adn some car went by and beeped at me! probubly because of all my fat hanging out... or maybe on the very slight chance that its becasue im beautifull.

hmmm. so yea...

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 22:48:38 GMT

i hate my family life now. i love how my mom can just gloat about how skinny she is and how happy she is thats shes skinny.. and then here i am, the fat lard that i am and she doesnt care. becasue shes a fucking bitch.. she can sit ther and tell me that just becaus i can fit into a smaller size, doesnt mean that im any thinner, and that the sizes are different all places.. and im like, NICE. and to think that for almost a second ther i forgot why i love Donna and Trevor.. SHES A BITCH. and i could honestly say that if i cut her off from my life right now, i could care less i would hope that i never saw her.. ever again.. and that she was eyeball fucked by a hideous hermaphrodite. i would look to the sky and hope that i never saw her fuck-face boyfreind either. they never leave me alone. hes calls me fat all the fucking time. and she just laugh, nope, doesnt defend me. and you fucking wonder why i hate her. gahd. and its not a figure of speech. i HATE her. in the car on the way up here she was like, yea, Dave is alot happier with me and im alot happier with him in my life. and i was like well im NOT happy and it makes me EVEN MORE not happy that everyone around me is happy. and she was like, well some people just dont get to be happy in life and thats the way the world works.. and im like, well, if you really dont care that im unhappy, or that you have completely ruined my life. well fine.. FUCK YOU. only i didnt say fuck you. i was like, whatever mom. and she Still wants me to live with her. even tho, she completely ignores my ablsolute exsistance when her FUCK FACE BOYFRIEND is around her or davis. and i cant stand it. i like the enviroment where i am.. im loved, thaught about. and im happy when im there. i dont think about fuck faces or my alter-life.. here with mum. i can only think of how much i hater her. and i feel all emo here and i want to cry, but Donna just makes me forget all that.. and i love it.. and so, im nto going to do all these random visits with her anymore. i AM goin to shut her from my life.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 21:03:45 GMT

last night, guess who didnt sleep?? oh yes, me.. i stayed up all night, pulling a nikki. i cleaned my room..:P

hmm so davis is all okay and stuff. [ FEW! ] and so now im off to my moms house.. and then Sunday i have to got to the circus and be murdered by clows.. [fwacha:: falls over]

and then there was this.. i took the time to write it but you dont have to take the time to read it..

as i stand here, staring into the black.. tears stremed down my face.. my body giving away the only thing i had left.. my solitary safety blanket. tears, beautifull drops of blood mixing together in my sink of laothing. questions buzzing through my mind, never letting me sleep. like bugs, iching and nibbling away at my mind. im finished with myself, done thinking. my soul twisted around my nceck, growing thighter as the blade grew fonder. my heart beating hard and painfull, like throwing knives into it. twisting tighter around me, my soul grew black. the puddle at my feet growing into a fortress of pain. i lost my grip. my feet were giving in, limp.. i cried more, giving the world all i could now. my head hit the floor in a gorish colsion. slipping furthing into my caroding hell. black came to my eyes but i could still feel. flet numb. the blood turned cold as it curled around my body, forming my outline. im lost. awake and dazzed... so i fall forever.

well i have officialy began a portfolio of all my best.. best drawings that is.. even tho i still suck bad.. i do it to consume my time..

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 23:07:56 GMT

Davis is having his surgery tomorrow, to help his feet deal with the muscular dystrophy.... and lance wont even let me or mom see him.. that fucking ass whole..

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 21:08:10 GMT

i really like matt, and he makes me so happy. XD. and i feel all, i dunno, fluttery in my belly and stuff. and Carol told me that i seem alot happier. i like this new life.. yea.. happy. [ dork face ]

hmm, so i guess im going to the circus? what? yea.. lame much..

so i have yet to call my boyfriend.. lol.. i dont think i could.. i dont know why.. id be all nervos if like his dad or something was all, FWA! what is this?!?!?!

or maybe im just chicken shit..

> sigh <

better than kerries sighin, thats for sure :P

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 20:58:54 GMT

Monday : Matt asked me out!!! and we are now a happy couple! but im not sure what to do about kerry... i kinda told him how i felt.. and then he was all, YAY! and now i have a boyfriend.. and i dont want to be mean.. but, i never owuld have dated him, thats just icky.. hes not really that um.. i dunno, not me, or my type...

Tuesday : stayed after with matt, megean and richie.. it was a blast, casey Jones dissed me bad, and no, ricky CANNOT do me up the bum.

thats about all thats exciting in my life lately.. i officialy dont like my science class..

i dont feel good. my neck and my throut are all swollen and i have a cough and a snezze thing goin on.. not sure if schools good for me tomorrow, but we'll see.

so totaly fallen head over heels

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 00:16:03 GMT

hmm, so nicholes party.. i all i have to say is.. i have been OFFICIALY kissed. [ blushie face ]

so today, gramma took me shopping. i bought some sexy new pants. [ rather excited dance] and we baught her a couch. and she got me some new sketch books. and thats aobut it.

hmm, so i havent used my new LJ, becasue i dont want to.. it looks trashie and ive tried to fix it.. but i cant. i want a new layout.. but i cant find one i can stand to look at.

i really dont want to move to limerick.. i dont. but mom insists on it.. and im old enought to chose. so i am, and im staying here. i love them and they love me. and i love that feeling of being a family. and people who see us together think im alot happier, and i am.

.: you make me wanna la la, ill be your french maid, where ill meat you at the door, im like an ally cat, drink the milf i want more, you make me wanna.. :.

STUPID SOB STORY!! DONT MIND ME.. MKAY?

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 13:53:06 GMT

matt only likes me as a friend.. [ tear ]

CONSERACY!

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 02:22:37 GMT

hmm. so while watching the incredables tonight.. i discovered something!!

the #4. there house # is 440. the boss man, 4 clock, 4 pencils.. the dents in the car, there were 4 of them. Jak Jak's powers. there were 4 of them... im tellin ya.. and they never really showed more than 4 facial wrinkles at a time..

leave it to me.. the government is most definetly up to something here..

:P, and i wonder why you people dont leave me alone in a room with matches!

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 20:46:12 GMT

woo hooo! im in an excellent mood. yea. so me and nikki are friends again. :/ .. but for some reason i just dont think she really wanted to be friends again.. but its ok..

so keesha cam over and we had a good time. Chillaxen with some chessse-itz and DDR. good times.. gah i miss her!!

hmm. so this weekend is nicholes partie. gunna be some mad fun.. im telling ya. only sherrie is going and i quite dislike her. BUT. because i love my nichole, i will deal.

so ive decided i am gunna get me a tatto. im not sure what yet.. but i have ideas. only idea's tho..

I GOT THE LIMEWIRE TO WORK!! [ jumps around because its fun ] and i got a whole bunch of HIM songs.. i must say i wuite lke them.. yup.. HIM rocks my sox.. off.

if you have any major awesome songs u think i should download, leave it and ill give it shot!

i am soooooo effen tired! i hate this time change!! its killen me!

yea, so im thinkin that im going to official give up trying to match my sox anymore. it just doesnt work.. today. i fashoined a very black sparkaly sock, and a plain white one with random grey on it.. so her i am now.. giving up the art of sock matching..

i must say, kerry is not who i thaught he was. hes really imature.. adn freaks me out a lil. but its ok. were just friends. and ive decided thats what i want right now. hes not my type. i cant stand happy people anyways.. :p

KEESHA! I HAVE YOUR GLASSES!! OOPSIE!!

.: i see it your eyes, i feel it in your touch, i taste it on your lips : and baby more i love you :.

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 01:22:16 GMT

i just need to break down and cry.

im losing you all one by one. its happening. and its becassue im a horrid person. and no one these days knows how to forgive. i feel close to no one. and i feel more alone then ever. empty and hollow.

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 16:12:52 GMT

hmmm, so i think i like a kid. whos name mught just be matt. and nichole said shed put in a good word for me and im not sure how to trust that. so this weekend ive decided to go to nicholes party.. and maybe i can hook up with matt. thatd be awesome. im here in science class and i finished early. so i have nothing to do but update.. la la la.. i think i have no life and i cant wait for summer to come. then i can go out all i want. moms getting the results from the inspection on the house on Thursday.. i have decided to stay with Donna.. and moms okaSCIENy with that.. and Donna told me that for some reason she felt as tho i belong there with them as a part of thier family.. and even her sister said i looked as tho i belonged and i looked natural there. so maybe this is the way things are suosed to be. i mean, i dont even know these days...

so im in bad need of new headphones.. and im afraid that richards dont work on my CD player anymore. i hope i didnt break them. id feel all bad and what not. not much else on my mind.. stuff about these monolouges that we in its not worth the effort. i want to be about love and loving then hating.. so i think im going to write one.. yea.. thats what i can do! ill be all creative and what not. itll be fun and give me something to do.. i have homeowrk and because i am wayy to lazy to write it down ill out it in here.

THEATER : monolouge
SCIENCE : notebooks due tomorrow

yea so thats about all, i talked to Joe, and i miss him so bad!! and was like, yea we really need to hang out sometimes. which excites me much..

thanks for the time and whaty not.

.: and when everything feels like the movies you bleed just know your alive :.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 00:35:06 GMT

hmm, so no i have a choice in all of this.. i think i want to go to thorton now, acuz its my only choice. other than masabesic.. i can just drive to school with derek.. or i can stay with donna.. and go to school in bonny eagle until i can drive.. but i dont know. i miss all my friends there.. but id die with out all of my friends here... this is so effin hard for me to do.. i want to cry like you dont even know... booo freken whoo.... this really suxx... gah. Nikkita want me to go to TA.. an i want to too, just to see all my old friends, id be fun and what not.. but i want to stay here and take all the classes i signed up for.. but i dont know. i seriouslt hate these decisions.. difh idsjf dlkjfpsoidkdf

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 16:17:52 GMT

hmmm. this is gunna be awkward. me going to daves.. after what happened tween me and my mom.. i really dont like him. and he doesntlike me so i dont want to do all these visits. but today mums picking me up here at around 3 and then im off to there. its like hell, only it smells like cigaretts... i dont want to live with him.. and they got aproved for the house. which sux so now im moving there. .. . . .. gah!!! some one better offer me to live with them.. right now! ready go! probly no one will huh? well now i have no lifes o im updating for the mo od it..

im off to make the brownies i said i was going to last night and never did!!

MUAH!

at the friends house

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 21:18:33 GMT

so here i am at sonia's house. YEEHA! were painting nails. so today, kerry gave me this hot picture of the nightmare before christmas, and i really like it. and yesterday.. lol.. 91%.. lol.. but no, we talked for 3 hours on the phone. and it was fun and what not. so im here now and her dads polish and its amazing! i love the way he talks.. lmao. its fantastic! so now were trying on her brothers clothes. thier whicked comfy! im gunna go out and buy me some man clothes, Wigger clothes at that. lol.. so i just called her ex boyfriend but got no answer.. i was gunna be all perkay about it, but no... im ok.. so today.. oh today. i went up to ms.chernesky and told her she had something hanging from her nose, and she was like huh? and i told her, theres a booger hanging out of your nose. and i was all descreat. were gunna make brownies tonight!!! yay! and Kerry's getting the net this weekend! so i dont have to call him every 2.2..

well, no life here.

i smell like a man, rawr.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 22:53:06 GMT

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 02:23:25 GMT

i wish i stilled lived in walking distance to keesha. i miss her like you dont even know. she was the only one that could really relate to me. i loved that feeling of securty. just knowing that a window away was my only sanctuary. now, i dont even know how i make it through a day. she's still there for me and shat, but its not the same anymore. maybe this 'distance' is making me feel like all, in need of her. and its kinds making me love her even more. and tonight after i saw Davis crying after i confessed how i felt and that i love him and miss him with every bone in my body, she was there and i held her close. and i felt it again. and it made me happy. i just wish that she could know how i feel toward her. she was the first and the last to know anything aobut me. and that will never change. and for the better, words cant say how i love her. keesha. your my only. and thats that. i dont know where id be with out you. i know this sounds corny and a little foolish, but i had to let you know.

tonight was refreshing. Gramma and i sat down and looked through pictures of us when we were still happy and connected. and davis could still use what was rightfully his. and lance still had balls. i started to cry but held it in. i didnt want gramma to see what i was going through. she has enough on her now. and i took some of the pictures and are putting them in my book to finsih it. im bringing it in tomorrow, in case you care... we had cake. and pizza. it was good. My mom hasnt changed all her thaughts on Davis and no one else. they bid on a house in Limerick. which makes me gag. they're rushing into this. what if Dave breaks up with my mom, or vice versa? what then? then what are we to do? she gives not thaught into these things.. pisses me off. all well her life.. and shes just fucking it up for me too.

great days are those that rain me out.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 20:28:08 GMT

so today was great, not only because its raining but.. it was just fun all together. so this morning i tryed to steal keesha's PLATYPUS but failed and sucked at life.. and then oh then she tells me that sum kid [ no names on account of i can ] was happy i sent them pics.. lol.. and then Theater was fun. i forgot a couple of my lines and omg! kevin shaved his head! he looks whicked wierd. lol.. and then 2nd sucked. me lacy amanda and richard made a poster and we talked about alchol and how lacy likes to fuck on a dryer rater than a washer. and third was just fun! i like Ms Stanley. shes cool beans. During lunch Desiree and i went outside and jumped in puddles and i got soaked and it was soo much fun. we liked walked around looking for puddles to jump in and i got her to jump in one too acuz i was technicaly the only one that was jumping in the puddles, and she jumped in a 'puddle' like .98579843 mm deep. and it was fun. then we walked around and in circles by Mr Isaya's and Mr Bennets rooms for fun. and then back to science and i drew a pretty picture. and then i was late for english acuz i can. and then me and nick had some good times making fun of JOE, who i really dont like acuz hes just retarded and contradicks me and thinks hes soo cool when in fact hes a slef conceted morron. and he lies soooo bad and i can tell because im good. and he just pisses me off a little bit. and then i went home and Chris told me that this house was haunted and so im gunna check it out maddness of later days. and thats all i have to update about. and lunch was fun!!! but i wish i had A lunch.. but its ok! i got to jump in puddles and it was great fun and what not.. lmao..

have a good night and what not.

oh! kerry is on the phone, ha ha..

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 21:47:47 GMT

here lie somemore random pictures of me being a cam whore. lol

heres mt belly button, fat but its there..

and this is a self thing, made by me of me..

this are me and the keesha's feet, becasue we can.

this one is me all scruby and un-showered.. enjoy?

rocking on as usual, my hand.

this ones whicked sute, me beinga cutie pie. love this one!

and this one, posted 40859374289075 times before...

pictures because i can

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 20:09:29 GMT

sorry thier all really big, i have no idea what im doing.

me, touching a mail box

me, climbing a tree and what not

me, walking down the road. i like this one.

just yea, dice, hat and a lai.. you like it.

this is my finger

me and nikki laughing.. lol :D

this is me and nikki, being our sleves.

me and my love, keesha :D

and Dillan, because i can.